His Little Man
by McRaider
Summary: Johnston could remember the days when he and his boy were close, they didn't use to be like this. Not always.


His Little Man  
McRaider  
Summary: "I was always afraid Jake would forget about all that you know. That he'd grow up only remembering the bad times. That he wouldn't remember that we'd been close, that we were buddies once". Five and One  
Author's Note: I love the Green family, more than words can allow. I don't, however own them.

1

He was his daddy's little man, from infancy, but getting Jake was difficult, Gail had spent three years trying to get pregnant, miscarriage after miscarriage had broken the woman, until finally she begged Johnston to adopt a child. Another year passed before someone from out of town finally chose them to give her child to. With a shock of dark black hair and dark hazel eyes, Johnston knew the little boy would be a trouble maker from day one. He had made Gail and Johnston so happy, they'd named him Johnston Jacob Green Jr. and he was there's no matter what anyone said.

Now, here he was again, four years later sitting in the hospital waiting room, his old man by his side and a wriggling body in his lap while the three Green man awaited news about his wife again. This pregnancy had been a surprise, and far more difficult than anyone had anticipated. Gail had had more morning sickness, more complaints, and to top it all off she went into labor three weeks early.

Johnston had to admit he was terrified for his wife and his other child, so the wiggling little boy, who'd just surpassed toddlerhood only months earlier, that was continuously kicking him or elbowing him, was starting to grate on every final nerve he had remaining. "Damn it Jacob," Johnston finally snapped, as he gripped his son's arms a little too tightly, as he yanked the boy and sat him beside in another cold callous chair.

Jakey, was for his part startled, he didn't really understand what was going on, and he was bored and hungry. As his daddy scooped him up and plopped him in the plastic chair beside him, his eyes welled up. "Daddy," he cried as he tried to climb back into his father's arms.

"Hey little man, why don't you help your old grandpa find a soda," EJ suggested as he stood and handed the boy a dollar. "I bet you could go sweet talk one of them nurses to help you," the man waggled his bushy eyebrows at the boy. It did what was necessary, the four year old eagerly accepted the dollar and headed off towards the reception desk to complete his task.

"Dad-"

"Johnston, son, I know you're scared, so am I. But Jake doesn't understand why, maybe if you explained it to him, you'd be surprised."

"Aw come on dad, he doesn't need to know his mother could be dying!" Johnston snapped, standing and pacing back and forth. "The doctors warned us a pregnancy was risky from the previous experiences."

"Johnston, she's going to be fine. But if she isn't, then that little boy is the last piece of Gail you'll have. Don't ruin that. Be honest with him, he'll understand what he needs to."

Johnston sighed heavily, feeling as though the world rested on his shoulders. When he spotted Jake a few minutes later, coming back triumphantly with a can of soda, he realized his father was correct. "Here grandpa," he handed the man the can and his change.

"Thank you sport, if you don't mind I'm going to go take a short walk, why don't you stay here and keep your daddy company."

Johnston hated that his son eyeballed him nervously from out of the corner of his eyes, before nodding. To Johnston's surprise, Jake pulled himself into the plastic chair EJ vacated. "I'm sorry," the small voice of his soon to be eldest child startled Johnston out of his thoughts. He glanced over at the boy, considering him for a long moment.

The shock of black hair had turned into a whole head of jet black hair, which the boy frequently kept longer than his mother liked, protesting rather loudly every time she suggested a haircut. His hazel brown eyes had grown slightly darker, and Johnston knew at some point they'd have to explain how he'd gotten his dark features from a family of light features.

Deciding his father was right, per the usual, he reached out and pulled his boy into his lap, cuddling him close for a long moment, before he planted a kiss atop the boy's head. It was something his father had always warned him about 'boy when you were little, men weren't affectionate with their little boys', EJ would say, 'well that was wrong. Love your boy, every chance you get, because one day he won't be little anymore.' "I'm sorry I snapped at you, kiddo."

Jake shrugged, "Daddy, where's momma?"

For every inch that Jake was his father's little man, he was equally a momma's boy. He had Gail Green wrapped tightly around his little fingers. "Buddy, your momma's having your brother or sister."

"Oh…" was all the boy said. They'd had several conversations about the new Green sibling, but Jake hadn't been very forth coming about his feelings about that. "Daddy?"

"Yeah buddy?"

"We're still gonna be friends, right?"

Johnston was startled, he turned the boy enough to look at his head, "Why would you think otherwise?"

Jake looked down, his hair flopping into his face. Johnston brushed it out of his face, knowing it was time to get it trimmed again. "Chris Sullivan said his parents stopped playing with him when Emily was borned," he explained.

The older man sighed, the Sullivan family was hardly an excellent example of a great family. With Jonah Green constantly having run ins with the law, his poor wife frequently only had time for one child. Emily was two now and a sweet little thing. "Buddy, every family handles new babies differently, but I promise you and I will still be buddies once your new brother or sister is born."

"Kay, daddy?"

"Yeah, bud?"

"Is mommy gonna die?"

Well that was a shock to the system, "No," Johnston answered sternly, he wasn't ready to lose the love of his life yet, and he certainly wasn't prepare to raise a child on his own. "Your momma is made of tough stuff."

Before he could say anything else the doctor stepped out, the smile on the man's face was all Johnston needed to see, to know everything was going to be okay, "Mr. Green, would you like to come meet your other son and your wife."

"God yes," Johnston replied as he hefted his son up against his hip and followed the doctor back into his wife's hospital room.

As they stepped into the room he took in the sight of his beautiful wife. She lay back, face damp from sweat and exertion. Her best friend and mid-wife Ellie Richmond smiled as she approached two of her favorite men, "Jake, meet your baby brother," she held a tiny red faced baby swaddled in a white and blue blanket.

Johnston chuckled as Jacob's eyes grew wide, "He's really red!"

Chuckles filled the room, including from Gail. Despite what she'd just been through, Gail reached out for her oldest, "Come here handsome," she requested.

"Gail-" Johnston began.

"Johnston, I just went through nearly twenty-four endless hours of labor, I've missed my boys, now give him here," she ordered.

Jake was all too eager, with a whispered word of being careful, the boy was set on the bed and instantly cuddled up to his mother's side like a pet, his head resting on her shoulder. "How do you like your little brother?"

"He's okay…I still like you and daddy more."

Laughter rang through the room as she pressed a kiss to his forehead, "I love you too, baby."

2

They were at the farm together, Jake was bedding down one of the horses for the evening, while Johnston was seeing to another horse's thrown shoe, EJ was busy with another horse, and Gail was at home with a sick toddler. A storm had been brewing for the last several hours it seemed, so they were doing what they could to get the horses settled for the night, when a crack of thunder and lightning struck. A moment later there was a loud whine from one of the horses and a scream shattered the night. "Jake!" Johnston dropped everything he was doing and raced out of the horse stall and into the one three stalls down. The horse was reared back on its hind legs, panicking. Jake had clearly gotten in the way, but had quickly rolled into one of the corners to protect himself. "I've got you," Johnston grabbed his son from the back of his shirt and quickly dragged him from the stall as quickly as he could.

"Jake, Jake!" Johnston tried to get a good look at his wailing off spring, but the boy wasn't uncurling from his fetal position, and now he was shaking like a leaf, "Dad!" Johnston yelled, "call the doctor! And Gail!"

EJ didn't hesitate, having heard the commotion himself, he had closed the stall as soon as the boys exited, and hurried towards the house. Jake was still on the ground, curled up tight, around his left arm crying hysterically. Johnston scooped the seven year old up into his arms, and hurried to the house, aware of his son sobbing the entire way. It broke his heart, but he had to get them inside away from the horses and the storm.

As he entered the warm home, he was thankful when his own mother came out of the kitchen with hot water and a wash cloth, "Here, let's get him cleaned up," she cooed, as Johnston laid his son on the couch.

Johnston ran his fingers through the thick black hair, "Hey, it's okay, it's okay," he murmured over and over again while his mother started to look for any other marks. Her face grew serious when she spotted one on his right shoulder, a dark red spot that seemed to be darkening with each passing moment.

But the boy's shaking was making it progressively difficult to look at him as he continued to sob, clearly terrified by what had occurred. Johnston, not seeing any other alternative, picked his son up again and began to rock him back and forth, singing softly. The doctor and Gail arrived in about fifteen to twenty minutes, it was the longest almost half hour of Johnston's life, as he cuddled his little boy. The hysterics had quieted some, but by the time Gail arrived he was well on his way to working himself into a frenzy over the pain.

"My god, what happened?" Gail question as she dropped down on her knees in front of her eldest. Jake went to reach for his mother, which meant moving his arms, and then started to wail again. "Oh sweetheart, it's okay, come on, why don't we lay you down, dad, can we use Johnston's old room?"

"Of course," EJ and his wife Kate replied in unison.

The doctor, Johnston, Gail and the elder Greens headed upstairs, Gail laid down on the bed, allowing her husband to lay the little boy beside her, Johnston then moved out of the wait to one of the chairs in the room. Dr. Morris nodded a thanks and knelt down beside the boy. He'd known the Green family a long time, and was their person physician, so occasional house calls were perfectly fine by him. "Jake, I'm going to give you something for the pain, but I need you to stay still," Dr. Morris explained.

Big chocolate brown eyes that were full of tears and looking utterly pathetic stared back at him, before Jake nodded in understand. Dr. Morris smiled and pulled a syringe before putting it into his good arm. He glanced at Gail whose eyes were filled with tears at watching her son in so much pain. "Is this an old shirt, it might best to cut it off at this point?"

Johnston nodded, "That's fine doc," he replied.

"Katie, would you mind getting us some ice packs, EJ, Johnston perhaps you could make some coffee for all of us?"

Johnston smirked, knowing that was the doctor's way of nicely saying give him some space to work. Gail had been a nurse prior to having the boys, so her presence would potentially be useful. The doctor studied Gail for a moment, before he started cutting the shirt off, Jake was rapidly on his way to unconsciousness thanks to the painkiller and sedative. "He'll be fine, Gail," Morris soothed.

She nodded, "I just hate seeing him in so much pain."

"All parents do," Morris took the arm carefully and studied it, he sighed, "We need to set this, it's broken. Would you mind getting the stuff needed for the cast out of my bag. I do believe I put camo in there just for him."

She chuckled softly and got off the bed to grab the necessary items for the cast the doctor would make. Dr. Morris palpitated the other bruise just over the right pectoral muscle, "This other bruise is thankfully mild, just keep ice on it, he'll be sore for awhile, but nothing is thankfully broken there." He moved back to the broken arm, checking that there was only one break, it was a green stick fracture, not a terribly serious break, as far as he could tell a quick yank would set it and then he'd cast it. He checked Jake's pulse to make sure the boy was good and out, before he grabbed the two necessary locations and gave it a quick yank. The radius and ulna both slid easily back into place, Gail came back with everything needed and they made quick work of the cast, it would have to go up just over his elbow to ensure he didn't turn the wrist either, just in case, it would certainly be annoying for the boy in the middle of the summer.

"He's all set, do you want me to leave you something to help him sleep?"

"No, Johnston and I will stay with him," she assured him.

"All right, call me if he complains of anymore pain in either spot, or if he starts running a fever."

Gail nodded, "Thank you Dr. Morris."

"Of course."

When the Green family arrived back at the house that evening, bidding Gracie a goodnight and thanks for watching their son, Johnston carried his slumbering boy upstairs. He was settling his son into bed when sleepy eyes looked up at him. "Daddy?" he slurred.

Johnston smiled, Jake had never particularly handled sedatives well, "Yeah, kiddo?"

"Will you sign my cast?"

Johnston laughed and nodded, brushing the hair from the boy's eyes, "Tomorrow, sleep son."

3

He had been in office for three weeks when it happened, when an enraged and gutted twelve year old came racing to his office like a bat out of hell, his face red from tears and exertion, his knuckles bloodied, and a fat lip starting to show. "Jake, what on earth-" Gail began seeing her son's state.

"You're not my parents!?" He demanded, his breathing hadn't slowed.

Johnston assumed the boy was praying they would deny it, but when Gail's eyes went wide, and Johnston pursed his lips, his son took it as an admission and went running out of the office just as quickly as he'd come. "I told you we should've told him earlier," Gail stated, glaring at her husband.

Johnston rolled his eyes, "We'll give him some time to cool off, then I'll go after him."

It was nearly an hour later when Johnston began searching for his son, he knew the boy wouldn't go terribly far, he was still quite attached to this town. Johnston was internally cursing his decision to hide the adoption for as long as they had. All the same it was out in the open now, and Jake deserved the real story.

When he was reaching hour 2 and hadn't located his son in any of the usual places, he decided to go to the one place his knew his son was likely hiding. He approached the Richmond farm, just as the sun was dipping over the horizon. Paul Richmond was sitting outside, sipping coffee and smiled as Johnston approached. "Looking for your kid?" he asked.

"Is he here?"

"You know he is," Paul assured his close friend. "He came here nearly an hour ago, sobbing, we got the story out of Stanley, apparently a couple kids figured out you can't have blue and green eyes and have a brown eyed boy and decided to pick on him about it."

Johnston groaned and sat down on the swing next to Paul, "What do I do Paul?"

"You tell him the truth, Johnston. You handle an entire town with ease, don't tell me your afraid of a preteen."

Johnston glared at the man, "You're enjoying this far too much."

Paul chuckled, "Only because you two are so much alike and so damn stubborn. Anyway, your son is inside playing with Bonnie and Stanley, Ellie spoiled his dinner, as she normally does when he's here. She calmed him down some, but he's still going to need to hear the truth from his daddy."

"Thank you."

Paul slapped his friend on the back, "No need to thank, boys almost as much one of mine, as my two are yours."

Johnston knew the man was right, Stanley had been a fixture at the Green home since he was three years old, and Bonnie long before that. "I know, I should…go talk to him," Johnston had faced down military enemies, and so much more, but he'd never been more terrified than he was right now. Perhaps, because he really had something to lose here.

Paul and Johnston headed into the house together, to find Stanley and Jake on the floor coloring with toddler Bonnie. Bonnie was deaf, but already at two knew more sign language than most of the town. "Stanley, Bonnie, why don't you two go wash up for dinner, take your time," Paul ordered, he gave his best friend a squeeze on the shoulder before he headed into the kitchen with his wife.

Sighing, Johnston took a seat on the floor next to his son, who had yet to even acknowledge his presence. Picking up a crayon he began coloring his own picture for a few moments, before he started to speak, hoping he was saying the right thing. "Your momma and I…struggled to get pregnant for a long time, Jake. Almost three years, Johnston paused in his coloring as the memories over came him for a moment. "Your mom was devastated when the doctors told her she would never carry a baby to full term. Of course they encouraged her to keep trying, but…well it seemed like we weren't meant to carry a baby. So…your mother begged me to consider adoption." He saw out of the corner of his eye that Jake was in fact listening to him, as he'd stopped coloring. "So…we did, but then the social worker said getting babies took time, more waiting. Your mom…" he sighed, "Your mom is the strongest woman I've ever met, Jake, and for nearly four years I was forced to watch her cry herself to sleep almost every night. Then one day all that changed."

Johnston saw he had the boy's full attention now, so he met the brown eyes, the thing that had startled all of this, he put his own crayon and picture down and smiled, "A woman over in Rogue River decided she thought we'd make good parents for the baby she was carrying. She was seventeen and her parents were adamantly against abortions, but refused to help her with the baby. She admitted that as much as she would've liked to have kept you, she didn't want a baby because she would end up resenting it later. So, we adopted you. You were born four months later," Johnston grinned at the memory, "You were the tiniest little baby I'd ever seen. You were so handsome, and you had this giant head of jet black hair. Your mom held you first and it was…love at pure sight, no question," he paused and chuckled wistfully at the memory, "I'm actually a bit surprised she even let me hold you."

"And when you held me?" Jake finally spoke.

"And when I held you, I was terrified that suddenly I had this precious life in my hands that I was supposed to care for. Fatherhood hit me like a ton of bricks," Reaching out, Johnston ran his hand over his son's hair and down the back of his head, his hand coming to rest on his neck, thumb drawing small circles on the jaw line. "You're right, we aren't biologically your parents. Your mom and I didn't give you our genes like we did Eric, but not because we didn't want to. Your mother and I love you so much that sometimes it hurts to even breathe when we look at you. And while I shouldn't tell you this, as much as we wanted Eric, your mom and I probably wanted you just a little more, because we had to work so hard for so long to get you."

Jake seemed to consider this, "I'm sorry I yelled at you."

Johnston nodded, "Accepted, I'm sorry we didn't tell you sooner. Honestly we've considered it multiple times, but…the time never seemed right, and then you got older and when we knew you'd understand we were frightened you'd react like you did."

Jake got up on his knees and hugged his father, tight around the neck, which Johnston was all too happy to return. Pressing a kiss to the boy's temple, "Ready to go home?"

"Yeah."

They bid a good bye to the Richmond's and headed back to town. Johnston opened the front door, he could hear his wife in the kitchen and decided to make himself scarce, "Why don't you go talk to your mom, she's been worried."

"Kay," Jake replied. He headed into the kitchen, his mother was puttering over something on the stove, it was clear to him that while she was cooking, she wasn't doing it because she wanted to. Not like she normally did. "Hi…mom," he whispered.

She turned and all but cried, "Oh Jake!" she threw her arms around him and pulled him close. He smiled, gladly returning the hug, as he was held by his mother, he felt tears welling up in his eyes. How could he have ever doubted something as stupid as genetics meant his mother didn't love him. He hugged her tighter, and buried his face in her shoulder, suddenly ashamed for such thoughts.

When he started crying, she just held him, stroking his hair and whispering how much she loved him over and over again. A few moments later, he gathered control over himself, and pulled away, his mother framed his face with her hands, her thumbs wiping the tear tracks on his face away, "I'm so sorry you found out this way," she whispered.

"I'm sorry I ever doubted you loved me, mom," he whispered.

"Baby, I have loved you, long before you were ever made," she replied before kissing his forehead. "Now, go wash up and get your bother for dinner."

"Yes ma'am."

4

The scream shattered the silence of the night, followed rapidly by the boy hurling himself out of the bed as fast as he could, making it to the toilet just in time to throw up what he'd eaten for dinner. He sobbed as he continued to throw up what little was in his stomach into the toilet bowl.

He shouldn't have been surprised when the light flicked on, "You okay?" the deep voice asked, his father. This was the third night in a row, and Jake was anything but all right. A car accident had killed the Richmond parents three nights ago, leaving a seventeen year old boy in charge of a seven year old girl.

Jake finally stopped and miserably leaned his head on the edge of the seat, his face red from the pressure put on his body, shirt soaked with sweat, hair sticking out at every angle. The nightmares were always the same. It was him, instead of Stanley, Eric instead of Bonnie. "Fine," he lied.

Johnston nodded, setting his jaw slightly, as he grabbed a wash cloth and soaked it in some cold water, he handed it to his son who wiped his face and head, before draping it across the back of his neck. Johnston sat down on the edge of the tub, and took to rubbing the younger man's shoulders and neck. "You know, it's okay for you to be upset about this too, I know you loved Paul and Ellie."

"I'm fine," Jake lied again, despite still shaking from the nightmare. He didn't have the right to mourn them, to fear his own parents would be taken. He wasn't some child anymore, he was almost a man now. He didn't need to go crying to his parents every time something scared the hell out of him.

Deciding he wasn't going to be able to talk to the boy, Johnston pushed himself up and nodded, "Try and get some sleep, the funeral is tomorrow and Stanley's going to need his best friend." With that he left his son to mope in the bathroom alone. It didn't take a genius to figure out what his wayward son was having nightmares about. Prior to Paul and Ellie's death earlier in the week, Jake had been getting into all sorts of trouble, even getting into the mix with Jonah Sullivan, which Johnston was less than pleased about.

"Is he all right?" Gail questioned.

Johnston sighed and lay down in his bed next to his wife, "I have no idea. He's obviously not, but he's in no hurry to talk about it. When did he stop coming to me with his issues?"

Gail smirked, "He's seventeen sweetheart, he's a growing boy."

"Yeah, but still, life was easier when he brought all his issues to me."

She chuckled softly, "Life was easier when all the problems of the world could be solved by coming to you. He's not a little boy anymore honey."

Johnston hated to admit that he missed that little boy, he missed the days when his boys thought he was a superhero.

It was the next afternoon that Johnston observed his eldest son, the boy who stood stoically beside his best friends in his best suit and kept contact with both of them throughout the worst day of their lives. At Stanley's other side stood Emily. There was no question the trio had formed quite the friendship, and that they would be there no matter what for the two Richmond children.

It was later that evening Johnston stepped out into the hot muggy Kansas air to see his son sitting on the back porch, a bottle of scotch he'd clearly pilfered from his father's cabinet, half way to gone, tears falling unchecked down the boy's cheeks as he just stared out at their backyard.

"You do know the legal drinking age is about four years away for you."

Jake didn't reply, he took another long swig and set the bottle down. Johnston side and took the bottle with him back into the house, mildly surprised when his son didn't protest. He returned a few minutes later with a couple tumblers and sat down next to his eldest boy on the bench, pouring them each a glass, "Pace yourself with this stuff, you can have one more glass after that one. Anymore and you'll spend all day tomorrow wishing you were buried today."

"I just keep thanking God it wasn't me," he whispered after several moments of silence.

Johnston looked over at his son, he knew the teenager well enough to remain silent, knowing Jake would explain in his own time. "That is wasn't you and mom. I don't think I could do what Stan is doing," Jake muttered.

"That what the last few nightmares have been about, me and your mom?"

Jake nodded, biting his lower lip to keep it from wobbling. "It's the same thing every night, getting the call, seeing the scene, you're both there…lying broken and bleeding," he closed his eyes and sobbed.

Johnston reached out and pulled his boy to him, as much as he hated to admit it, he was thankful it wasn't them too. As he held his son, he heard him mutter something else. "What?"

"I said I'm a horrible friend, aren't I."

"God know," Johnston replied instantly, "You're a human who thankfully still sees how much he needs his parents in his life. There's no shame in that, Jake."

"I feel so bad for Stanley, I don't know what to do to help."

"You are helping, son. By being there, I know you've been going to the house everyday instead of school. I know you've been helping him with the crops that are still coming up. You're doing exactly what he needs. You're showing that you're there for him when he needs it most."

Jake was silent for a few more minutes, "I love you dad," it was a whisper, barely a noise, and it was clear it was on the edge of cracking his voice.

Johnston closed his eyes and gripped his son just a bit tighter, "I love you too, Jake."

5 - One time they Weren't Buddies

"What the hell were you thinking!?" The argument was a familiar one recently in the Green house, but this one held more anger and passion than ever. Hours earlier Johnston Green had been forced to view a crime scene that had scared the shit out of him. That had left him feeling ages older than ever before. Now he, Gail and Jake were in a standoff in the living room.

"I was thinking about you! I don't understand why you're so damn upset that I wasn't there!" Jake was livid, he was hurting, he was scared. He had decided in the last minutes that he didn't want any part of a robbery, knowing that Chris had died confirmed his decision as well as made him feel terribly guilty.

"A boy died tonight, Jake!" Gail snapped, "A boy died tonight and you had something to do with it!"

"How could you even work with a guy like Jonah, that man has had troubled written all over him. You're one of the smartest boys I've ever met! Why are you wasting your time on a jerk like that!"

Jake's jaw was clenched, he didn't want to have to explain that he was so desperate to please his parents, but that Jonah was the only person who had ever claimed to be proud of him.

Jake wanted out, more than ever, he'd packed a bag, and was ready to go, "Well you finally can say goodbye," he hissed in response. "You're so damn disappointed in me, fine then you can pretend I never happened!"

Johnston grabbed his son's bicep, "You walk out of that house, out of this town after how you've left it, I hope you know you aren't welcome back here. Not until you've changed," Johnston growled.

"Johnston!" Gail shouted, horrified at the idea of him exiling her eldest.

"Don't worry, that's not a concern," Jake yanked his arm from his father's grasp and wrenched the door open, walking out.

Johnston just stood there, while Gail all but collapsed in a nearby chair and started sobbing. He kept asking himself how had it come to this, how had things gotten so bad, so out of hand. He wanted desperately to run out the door after his boy.

"What if he never comes back?" Gail whispered. Johnston closed the door, locking it behind him and sat down next to his wife, holding her while she wept in his arms.

6

He was so tired, April had warned him that he'd be sore and tired for days to come, but he hadn't realized just how bad it would be, as the feeling returned to his fingers, toes and the rest of his body. He couldn't sleep, every time he closed his eyes he saw the little girl. He felt the soul crushing guilt of all those he'd killed.

Staring into the fire, he could feel his exhaustion trying to claim him again. Everyone once in awhile he'd jerk back awake, desperate not to see it again. He jumped slightly in surprise when he felt a firm and familiar palm on his forehead. He looked up to see his father getting comfortable, "Go to sleep, son. I'm here," Johnston whispered. As a promise to keep the nightmares away.

His head moved just enough to settle on a pillow by his father's lap, "Mom know you're down here," Jake whispered. The fingers continued tracing circles in his dark hair.

"You let me worry about your mother, get some rest," his hand moved to Jake's chest, settling right over his heart, feeling the beat beneath the ribs. "I'll be here," for anything remained unsaid, but Jake knew what his father meant.

"I'm sorry I disappointed you," Jake mumbled.

Johnston considered his words, "I'm sorry I didn't try to understand more what you went through. I love you so much, Jake. I don't say it nearly often enough, to you or your brother. But you two," he sighed and closed his eyes. "I suppose on some level I robbed you of your true childhood. I'm sorry for that, truly. I'm sorry that you knew of my disappointment or disapproval. It wasn't in you, son, it was in your actions. I always loved you."

He looked down to see his son had finally given into the sleep, Johnston smiled as he took the moment to realize just how young the man appeared. There were days in the boys' lives where people assumed Eric was the older one. Perhaps because of how vulnerable Jake could appear times.

He heard a creak on the stairs and glanced up to see Gail, he held up his hand, shushing any questions, which she nodded in understanding at and came to sit in the rocking chair across from then, using a blanket to keep her warm. "How's he doing."

"He finally lost the fight to sleep about two minutes ago, he's a bit warm, but April said that was possible, his body over compensating."

Gail nodded, her eyes were solely on her eldest child, "Some days it seems like he's trying to get himself killed."

Johnston tilted his head in understanding, "I think he sees it as punishment."

"For what?"

"The past five years."

"He told you something?"

Johnston nodded, "He's not ready to talk about it, but it eats at him. More than anything he ever did here. I would give anything to go back five years and stop him from walking out that door."

"All you can do is be there for him now," soothed Gail.

"We used to be best friends, god I miss those days," he murmured.

"Daddy?" moaned Jake.

Johnston gave a shaky sigh as he continued to stroke his son's hair, "I'm here son, I'm here.

The End


End file.
